דורך: ריטש בערגעראָן

Those who know me personally would all say I am a mellow individual, until you seriously cross me, ווי, for instance, if you become the subject of an investigative report I’m working on, אָדער sue me for $25 מיליאָן. Sometimes I may take things like that as a sign you might not want me to really find out who you are and what you do behind closed doors to screw hard working people over.

This week, a certain individual who won’t even let me follow him in Twitter (https://twitter.com/danawhite) pissed me off to the point where I could only think of one thing to do. Because I’m officially blacklisted in every possible way by the UFC brass, and have even had restraining orders placed against my directly contacting the Fertittas and ANY UFC fighter, my best option is to publish a drastic diatribe here I am just going to call my “OPEN FU” to Dana “Effing” White.

I’m sure Mr. White will not take my calls or subject himself to a one on one interview with me. אַזוי, I will have to settle for a written FU…and a multi-tiered and multi-purpose FU.

FU, Dana “Effing” White… for many, many reasons…too many for one small blog post to do justice, but let’s just say Most of all FU….

For what you THINK you know about Holly Holm…

היי, Dana, you wanna talk about your “effing” reality show “Looking For a Fight????” I was actually looking for a fight when I watched that old reality “shit show” when you were supposed to box Tito Ortiz, but HE magically backed out at the last minute.

איצט, you, DANA “EFFING” WHITE, are telling Holly Holm about a decision YOU think she didn’t think through enough??? And now you act like someone pissed in your Wheaties because you have two upset wins at UFC 196 to work around and figure out how to make sense of somehow.

Boo “effing” hoo, buddy.

Welcome to how things don’t go as planned sometimes in the fight business, you ungrateful prick.

Do you wanna be an “effing” פאַרשפּרייטער, Dana “effing” White???

Holly Holm Was the Bantamweight Champion of the UFC when she allowed HER Manager (not Dana “effing” White) to negotiate the Tate fight on her behalf, and she knew (and her long-time manager knew, צו) what she was doing and what she wanted. And guess “effing” what, Dana? She wanted to fight.

אנטשולדיגט, Dana “Effing” White, but Holly didn’t want to sit on an “effing” sideline waiting for Ronda Rousey to finish her “effing” ROADHOUSE REMAKE!

Holly wanted to go to work… but unfortunately she has to work for a boss who has no idea what it’s like to step into HER office and handle HER daily workload with such tenacity, קלאַס, dignity and grace.

And I think maybe she looks back a bit differently than you do, Dana, with no “effing” regrets whatsoever for putting her absolute all into that fight and just plain getting caught in her one area of weakness in a battle where she likely would have won a three-round fight. Maybe if YOU were a fighter, Dana, you might get that whole concept. Maybe losing in this case only makes her better, סטראָנגגער, and more durable as a career mixed martial artist. Who gives a damn if it makes her less marketable in your eyes? What do you really know, anyway?

UNLIKE YOU, Dana “Effing” White, Holly actually respects Miesha Tate and thought it would be a challenge to fight her. יאָ, she lost, but damn, she was absolutely correct about it being a challenge. I think the fight will go down as one of the greatest battles in female MMA history.

איצט, why don’t you open your “effing” eyes, Dana, watch the fight again, and quit bitching about what should have happened in that cage you never fought in yourself.

Be grateful you have a champion you just paid $92,000 in fight pay (before bonuses) to take your organization’s belt from the girl you WANTED TO WIN (and paid $500,000 just to be there). It may not be what you expected, but the anxiety you feel about it is what you DESERVE to feel for being such a douchebag to the fighters who built the UFC.

My biggest questions on this subject for Dana are: Why are you such a biased, crooked asshole who can’t bother to give Miesha the time of day FOR ALL HER HARD WORK? Why can’t you give credit where it is due…on both sides of that fight? Why can’t you shut the “eff” up about what you think Holly or her management should have or could have waited for?

It’s not your place to look back with 20/20 hindsight and act like Holly and her manager should have gone all Nostradamus on this fight when you obviously didn’t see this shit coming, יעדער, you dome-headed dimwit.

פיגהטערס “effing” קאַמף, Dana. That’s what they “effing” do, which you should know, since I am pretty sure you used to be an “effing” manager of MMA fighters yourself. יאָ, that was many moons ago, but how could you forget?

Fighters don’t sit on their asses on corporate jets and stand at podiums in front of the press all day to earn the “effing” paltry paychecks your organization pays out to most of them. Most fighters simply cannot afford to wait around for shit to happen or for someone “worthy” enough in your eyes to step up and fight them.

Some fighters need to feed their kids. All of them need to pay their bills and for everything else involved with training camps, daily living expenses, travel and whatever costs medical insurance doesn’t cover when they have to address nagging injuries. Your shitty Reebok deal made it virtually impossible to get any other outside sponsors to help pay for anything like that stuff for many fighters, Dana.

Welcome to selling out and forgetting where you came from, Dana. You used to care more about fighters. Now you act like fighting in a cage is just like doing any other 9-5 אַרבעט. It’s not. עס ס “effing” hard work.

אַזוי, יאָ, Holly chose to fight instead of waiting for Rousey to be ready for the rematch. And you think she needs your opinion now that everything didn’t work out as planned for you both?

FU, Dana.

She hurts a lot worse than you, and I can guaran-effing-tee that.

טאַקע…און…אַגעוו…fighters are way more responsible for the growth and success of the UFC/Zuffa organization than you ever have been. And that’s real talk, you rich bitch with a stick up your ass because you were never good enough in your life to ever have your own official fight.

אַזוי, get over the God complex and learn to respect ALL of your fighters, not just the ones you want to see win because you might think you can work with them better or you think they will move the organization in a better direction. Respect the effort, the sacrifice and the pain ALL your fighters go through each and every day to get where they get. That belt you put on Miesha’s waist was EARNED, and don’t you ever think it is “effing” cool to call the fact that Holly Holm had the guts to face Miesha Tate “a mistake.”

It rings hollow, especially when I would consider that handing you a microphone to talk about MMA at all was THE greatest mistake the sport ever made, צייַט! Anyone who would try to knock a former champion down a peg that way in his own organization does not deserve to be recognized as that organization’s president.

You have no clue what it’s really like to fight, and your criticism of Holly Holm tells me you can never possibly understand the mindset that led her to take the Tate fight and not wait an idle year for Ronda “effing” Rousey to be ready to appear at one of your precious shows.

אַזוי, FU Dana White for treating your former champ like she’s an idiot who doesn’t know how to control her own career without you butting your stupid, bald head into it. Holly’s fine without your advice, and she trusts her manager, which might be something you’re not familiar with, but for other people it is actually a reality of doing business with legitimate people.

FU, Dana for being a piss-poor ambassador for the sport, disrespecting fighters who bleed (and sometimes suffer lifelong injuries) for you and the sport, and totally underestimating and failing to grasp what it really takes to actually be a professional fighter who actually competes against other fighters…

Do you remember the days when you had to settle for being a lowly boxercise instructor because your boxing trainer Boston slapped you too hard in the ear once? You never had a single competitive fight in your life, Dana “effing” White, and that’s a DOCUMENTED FACT!

Do you ever even look back at those days before the silver-spoon-fed Fertittas helped you claw your greedy, selfish, egotistical ass into the position of OFFICIAL UFC MOUTHPIECE?

Do you remember those “hairy” days when you blew through $40 million of Fertitta funds to perpetrate the “Zuffa Myth” while claiming credit for the UFC brass singlehandedly legitimizing the sport and getting it regulated all by your “effing” selves? As if not a single FIGHTER nor any other industry professional who pioneered MMA before you dipped your greedy little paws into it had anything to do with it?

Your Mom remembers those “coulda been a contender” טעג, Dana..when you thought you might be able to have an actual fight with another human being. Your own mother remembers even though you and one of your sleazy friends tried to silence her, BASH HER ONLINE, and even blacklist her BOOK, צו.

Do you remember the days when even Floyd Mayweather, דזשוניער. thought you were cool, back when your daily driver was an “effing” Honda, Dana? Floyd Remembers. He knew you long before you could afford to blow a normal person’s yearly pay on a single hand of poker.

You’re in a different place now, Dana “effing” White, and it’s a delusional place. Like on the distant planet you live on, people actually believe YOU really, האָנעסטלי, truly “effing” know what it’s ACTUALLY like to be an “effing” fighter? Do you actually believe YOU somehow could ever REALLY know that feeling?

REALLY?

איר וויסן what A FIGHTER is, don’t you, Dana? A fighter is a man or woman who has the courage to willingly step into unarmed combat against another actual man or woman instead of just criticizing up and down the guys and girls who do have the guts to actually stand across from another human being while knowing and internalizing that the accepted goal is to physically destroy each other.

A fighter, in more simple terms, איז “one who fights.” And let’s be clear about one “effing” thing, Dana “effing” White, I know fighters, און YOU are no fighter.

You are nothing like a fighter, Dana “effing” White, and you never “effing” וועט זיין. You are too weak, both physically and mentally. Until we see you go through a six-week training camp and then get into the cage against someone and kick his ass, we shouldn’t have to listen to one damn “coulda,” “shoulda,” אָדער “woulda” out of your cornfed mouth about what you think of any particular fighter’s performance or decision making process. Those people have the guts to do what you will NEVER do yourself, and you ought to respect that.

FU Dana White…For not recognizing Real Fighters Like Miesha Tate and Nate Diaz who keep at it no matter what and NEVER seem to earn your ULTIMATE RESPECT….

Nate Diaz stepped up to fight Conor McGregor for a reason. He had nothing to lose, and he wasn’t intimidated one bit. He famoulsy went on television with Fox Sports 1 on a split screen with Conor before that welterweight fight and quipped that his nemesis had already been choked out before, “by two lames.” Diaz also had the perfect instinct to add humourously that McGregor’s choke losses happened, “like a week ago.”

Diaz beat Conor in the shit-talk game long before he ever slapped him down and slipped that choke around his neck in the cage. The media created by that freakshow fight might have stopped the unchecked rise of your big, bold, six-headed dragon champion, but it created a new monster at the same time. And he’s a Reebok-hating, scowling, swearing, Stockton-slapping Mother-F$#king BEAST who doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about what he does or says.

You might think Diaz and his attitude are “bad for business,” but I think his victory was the best thing that could ever happen to all you smug punks running the UFC. It just proves once and for all that you do not control the MMA universe.

Nate Diaz went without respect and credit for being an MMA pioneer and a good UFC soldier for far too long. The bitterness brewed and boiled within him, and I loved every second of him letting it pour out in post-fight interviews after he choked the shit out of Conor until the Irish bloke tapped the “eff” out and left Dana White drooling in a stupor at the thought of having to congratulate a man who’s become more of a mortal enemy than a member of the big “team.”

More power to Nate and all the crazy, abrasive, in-your-face Diaz brother types out there in the UFC who will fight Dana “effing” White’s flamboyant fire with even more bravado and brash talk of their own. They can always say, “I learned it by watching you, Baldfather!”

As for Miesha Tate, she deserves true respect and admiration for being champ now after picking herself off the mat twice in the face of grueling losses to Rousey. Kudos to Tate for continuing her career and relentlessly focusing on getting by that Rousey armbar once and for all.

Though Miesha never did solve that Rousey submission dilemma, trying at all costs to get another crack at the belt paid dividends at UFC 196. Her never quit attitude led her to an opportunity of a lifetime, and she capitalized on it. איצט, Dana, you actually have to pay this young lady what most of her fans would say she was worth a long time ago.

And now you simply have to treat Tate with a bit of reverence and appreciation for once in your ungrateful life, Dana “effing” White. I know it must pain you so much to give this young lady the credit she’s worked so incredibly hard for, because maybe she touched a nerve when she called you out in the past for being the true clueless and disrespectful prick you really are. She was right, and you were wrong about how great she really is at fighting. Then again, weren’t you also WRONG about women fighting in the cage, צייַט?

אַזוי, you DON’T wanna be a fighter, מר. White? Then step aside and let the people who DO wanna be fighters go to battle for you so you can ride around the world on your jet and act like you know what the “eff” you’re talking about when you stand in front of a microphone to describe the sport’s true athletes and what they do to make a living in mixed martial arts.

The line from Dana that most stands out to me as comblete BS in this whole debacle is this one:

“He’s an old boxing guy who thinks he’s smart and he isn’t,” White said of Fresquez [Holm’s Manager]. “I feel bad for Holly because I don’t know if she really knows what she lost.”

I have only two more “effing” questions for you Dana “effing” White…

1.) What makes you think you are really in any “effing” position to EVER know or understand what Holly Holm lost the other night? Aside from a few bad poker hands and tons of respect, the only thing you ever lost is your mind.

2.) Doesn’t your backhanded quote about Holm’s manager describe your own shitty character a whole lot better than that of Mr. Fresquez?

און…just in case after reading all this anyone STILL needs yet another reason to have beef with the Baldfather: